To All Christian Parents

I heard it again the other day. The mother was grieving over the spiritual loss of her children. She told me she and her husband raised them in church. They enrolled them in Sunday school or Faith Formation classes. They prayed and read the Bible together at home. They tried their best to live faithful lives before their children. They did all they knew to do to lead them to Jesus.

But now, none of it seems to have taken root, and mom and dad mourn their children who are lost in a world of godlessness. They fear for their eternal souls – and they wonder what they did wrong.

I cannot tell you how often I have heard that lament from godly parents. And I always tell them, yes, they surely did things wrong in raising their children. But there is not a perfect parent on this planet. We all make mistakes raising our children because we are all human. That is not simply a platitude – we are all human. Our humanity is the very reason we are not perfect, and we make mistakes. Sometimes very bad mistakes.

But – and this is the key to my counsel with parents such as the mom I just mentioned – if the children are now adults, our mistakes in parenting are NOT the reason they are not walking with Christ.

Adult children make their own choices about God.

Please listen. God is perfect. And our perfect God did everything perfectly for Adam and Eve. And we know how that turned out.

God did everything perfectly for the nation of Israel. He says to them in Isaiah 5:3-4, “And now, O inhabitants of Jerusalem and men of Judah, judge between Me and My vineyard. What more was there to do for My vineyard that I have not done in it?” God was the perfect parent to His chosen people – and the Scriptures are uncompromisingly clear how that also turned out.

Scripture provides no justification for godly – and imperfect – parents to blame themselves for the spiritual deadness of their adult children.

It is not only counterproductive to your own spiritual growth and relationship with Christ, but it is unhealthy to continue blaming yourself when no blame should be placed on your shoulders.

That is why I counsel such parents to lay their grieving aside as much as possible, and continue praying for their children. It is for good reason the Lord Jesus reminds us in Luke 18:1 to continue in prayer and not lose heart.

And then leave them with God who loves them and wants them reconciled with Himself infinitely more than any parent wants that for their children.