My First Thought

I published this essay about trusting the Lord in my latest book, Learning to Lean. I thought to repost it again here.

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Behold, the nations are like a drop from a bucket, And are regarded as a speck of dust on the scales; Behold, He lifts up the islands like fine dust. Even Lebanon is not enough to burn, Nor its beasts enough for a burnt offering. All the nations are as nothing before Him, they are regarded by Him as less than nothing and meaningless. (Isaiah 40:15-17)

When I finally leave this body

and stand in the presence

of my Father's glory,

when He reaches from His throne

and draws me to His lap,

when I then understand

what I could not understand

in life –

the enormity

of His incomprehensible power,

the limitlessness

of His reign

over every fiber

of eternity,

that no creature

in heaven

or on earth

can open

what he shuts

or close

what He opens,

that the totality of creation

throughout countless galaxies

bow at His presence . . .

I think my first thought –

when I realize where I am

and in whose arms I rest –

my first thought

will not be shrouded in sorrow

for my many sins,

for things I did

or did not do

in life.

I think I will be most sorry

that I didn’t trust Him more,

when I had so many chances

to do so.