Thorns and Grace

I was talking with the Lord about it again this morning. I can’t seem to put it out of my mind for very long. I’ve shared my story with many of you over the last few months.  (See this link: https://thecontemplativecatholicconvert.blogspot.com/2019/03/what-do-you-know-part-one.html  



No, I do not dwell on how I failed the Lord during Nancy’s ICU stay after her stroke. Nor do I feel in danger of those memories hurting my walk with Christ. If anything, perhaps they are strengthening it because I now better know my weaknesses.



But I still can’t get away from it.



For 46 years I’ve urged others to know Jesus better through consistent prayer, reading the Bible, and meditating on its words. And while I still believe those are important components, they’re not the whole story.



I was doing all of that; but mostly in my own strength. I convinced myself if “I” read, if “I” pray, if “I” meditate, all will be well.



If “I” . . . . If “I” . . . .



That’s probably why the Lord reminded me of Solomon’s words in Ecclesiastes 2. Take a few moments to read that chapter and notice how often he uses the personal pronouns, ‘me’ ‘myself,’ and “I” : https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=eccl+2&version=NASB



Now please do not misunderstand my point. Nothing of what I’ve just written is meant to suggest we can grow close to Christ by being lazy about our walk with Him. If we own a Bible, we should study it. But many saints of God through history didn’t even own a Bible. Most couldn’t even read!



And everyone can and should practice the presence of Christ through prayer from the depths of a humble heart – and then waiting for Him to respond. But what I need applied to my own heart is a deep and abiding recognition of my need for God’s “supernatural” work in my heart.



I can read the Bible all day until my eyes hurt. I can pray all evening until I fall asleep with exhaustion. But what I need most of all is an awakening to my desperate need for what only the Holy Spirit can do in my walk with Christ.



The psalmist wrote: “Unless the Lord builds the house, they labor in vain who build it. Unless the Lord keeps the city, the watchmen stays awake in vain.” (Psalm 127)



As you’d expect, He was not silent toward me this morning. He’s never silent. So while I again apologized for my persistent bent toward self-sufficiency, He reminded me of the lyrics of this song, Whole Heart, by Shannon Wexelberg – and I immediately made them my prayer:



*Give me a whole heart

To fully love you

Give me an undivided heart

Totally free

I ask you to heal my broken places

The lingering wound your love replaces

Bind every part

Give me a whole heart



Give me a whole heart

To fully trust you

Give me an undivided heart

Completely at peace

Come in and restore what has been taken

The depths of my soul that have been shaken

Bind every part

Give me a whole heart



Lord, help me to see

Your abundant love for me

Help me to rise

So I can soar on eagles' wings

Oh Lord, help me to go

Where I've never gone before



Help me to fly

As you breathe life to me once more



Give me a whole heart

To fully love You

Give me an undivided heart

Totally free

I ask You to heal my broken places

The lingering wound Your love replaces

Come in and restore what has been taken

The depths of my soul that have been shaken

Bind every part

Give me a whole heart



(You can hear the song at this link: https://tinyurl.com/yyxqe75k )



Shannon speaks to what I so desperately need, even after 46 years of urging others to do as I did to mature in Christ – read, pray, meditate. Nancy’s stroke taught me that only, only, only God’s grace can give me a whole heart to fully love Him. Only, only by His grace alone can I ever hope for an undivided heart to fully trust Him.



Only His grace.



I can’t get away from my failures of earlier this year. But now I think that’s a good thing.



St. Paul wrote concerning his own thorn: “ . . . I implored the Lord three times that it might leave me. And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses . . . . for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Corinthians 12:8-10)



The early weeks of this year demonstrate to me my weaknesses. I don’t want to ever forget them.



Oh, Lord, make it true in all our hearts, that by Your grace alone we put away our boastful self-sufficiencies and recognize our weaknesses – that Your power might be truly perfected in us.



That Jesus alone be glorified. Amen.