Preparing for the Funeral

Funerals are never fun subjects. But sometimes it’s necessary to talk about them. Like now.

I learned two important lessons with the recent death and funeral of my mother. Actually, I learned more than two lessons, but it is those two I think are important to address in this short note:

1. Fifteen years ago when mom (and dad) lived in Florida, they contracted for pre-paid funeral expenses. Those expenses covered the cost of the selected casket, the burial site, and a multitude of other funeral home services.

Although mom was living in Georgia when she died a few weeks ago, I made ONE phone call to the ‘after-hours’ funeral home number in Florida. That set in motion all of the steps necessary to have her expeditiously transferred from Georgia to Florida, and then for me to set the time and place of her burial a few days later in Florida.

One phone call.

My mom (and dad, who predeceased her by several years in Florida) took from me the overwhelming burden of the moment so I would not need to add those kinds of ‘last-minute’ details to the mix of my own grief.

2. Mom gave me Medical and General Power of Attorney over all of her affairs. As a consequence, I kept all of her important paperwork in my home. Stacks and stacks of paperwork.

A few months back – I don’t really know why I did this, except God must have urged me to do so – I placed all of her most important papers – funeral contract, insurance and investment documents, and the like – I placed them all into a large envelope that I marked on the outside: DO FIRST WHEN MOM DIES.

When I received word the evening of August 1, and a numbing daze fell over my brain, I’d completely forgotten about the envelope. But when I robotically went to where I kept her stacks of paperwork – there it was, the envelope I’d prepared months earlier. I didn’t have to think about what to do next or who to call. It was all there, ready for me.

When we lose someone we love, our body’s natural and normal self-protection reaction is to fall into a haze. I’m so grateful for Nancy (my wife) for helping me through those next several hours of the immediate tsunami. But it was also so very helpful that mom – and later, I – did what was done before we needed to have it done.

I hope my experience helps you think about the unthinkable, and what you will need to do, before you need to do it.

Funerals are never fun, but some preparation can mitigate the sting.